-- From the review of "Games People Play" by Dr. Eric Berne, a 55-year-old San Francisco psychoanalyst, written by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. It appeared in the June 11, 1965 issue of Life Magazine
Cut to 2011. Games Geezers Like Me Play … on Occasion.
"But, it helps me to relax!"
* Constantly whining to one's self-appointed therapy dog about "life in general."
* Complaining anonymously to "Sound Off."
* Finding fault on Facebook in order to start a minor squabble with perfect strangers.
* Having a second glass of "therapeutic wine" for lunch and then either finding fault on Facebook in order to start another minor squabble or complaining anonymously to "Sound Off." Or both.
* Having a pity party in the last disabled spot in the parking lot at OS Wal-Mart. ("I can't walk that far any more!") * Getting hysterical over trifles in the checkout line at OS Winn-Dixie. ("Please don't bang my apples around like that!")
* Reading the obituaries and secretly gloating when "old people" younger than me pass.
"See what you made me do!" ("It's all YOUR fault.")
* "Dear Abby" or her sister or their heirs and their "stupid advice."
* My dog underfoot.
* The neighborhood cat underfoot.
* Neighbors who call or visit when I'm napping.
* Glenn Beck.
* Deceased parents. ("If only you had appreciated me more!")
* Slow-moving traffic on inconvenient side streets.
"If only I didn't have this wooden leg (my age)."
* I wouldn't be so cranky.
"They did it to me. They really did."
* Teaching grandchildren how to hold a grudge.
* Taking vociferous umbrage at every public opportunity for minor infractions of courtesy.
* Sulking at weddings. (Called an aguafiestas in Spanish.)
* Frequently remembering out loud to anyone who will listen about having to walk to school in the snow "when I lived up North!"
"Judge 'n jury."
* You are no longer entitled to your own opinion, in my opinion.
* Dr. Phil and I both think you're nuts. Oprah agrees.
* I "mute" you every time I see you on TV!
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe.
E-mail comments (and any games YOU play, heh, heh, heh) to: firstname.lastname@example.org/
Ocean Springs resident John Kernell's book, "1001 Things to DO in Retirement" is now an Amazon Kindle book.